Despachos de Paraíso - Extra

Monday, March 18, 2008

The Mysterious 'Honey Bear'
(Or, "What the Hell is a Kinkajou?")

I've always found arboreal mammals to be fascinating, especially in the topics. I'm just an armchair critterologist, but my observation is this: it's not that there is necessarily so much for a mid-sized mammal to eat in the canopy, but it's a great place to not be eaten. So if you can learn a certain proficiency with the daytime trapeze, you can have your way with the fallen fruit & nut buffet at night.

Potos flavus: when you're really weird, you get your own genus

There are a lot of ways to describe the same naturally selective dynamics: "form follows function" is one. "The job makes the man" is another. In filling the arboreal niches, nature isn't choosy that you belong to any particular family. It doesn't matter if the applicant is a graduate of Primate U or the College of Applied Raccoonomics, after a couple thousand years on the job, successful candidates will inevitably take on a certain clingy look.

In 2006, Paris Hilton's pet Kinkajou "Baby Luv" did what
most alleged primates would do if given the chance (it bit her)

Kinkajous look like they would be a little out of place at almost any family reunion. I think their closest relatives are the raccoons, and since raccoons are already sort of a taxonomic "gay uncle," that is like saying your parents are part Gypsy and part Martian. If you put a monkey face on a raccoon and then injected 350 cc's of lemur, you're getting pretty close.